#Repost from @whoresandcrumpets —- Anyone seen this girl? #missingteen My niece is missing in Jacksonville, Fl. If you’ve seen her or know where she is please contact me, her older sister @indriabennett or her aunt @timobaggins #jacksonville Her name is Imani Benson. If you do have info please DM us.
Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.
UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
I always need this on my blog.
I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning.
OMG….my coworker thinks I’m crazy. I can’t stop laughing. Holy crap.
This is the most unique one I've seen, please yes.
- 1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.
- 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?
- 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.
- 4) What do you think about most?
- 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?
- 6) Do you have any strange phobias?
- 7) What's your religion?
- 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?
- 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?
- 10) What was the last lie you told?
- 11) Do you believe in karma?
- 12) What does your URL mean?
- 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?
- 14) Who is your celebrity crush?
- 15) How do you vent your anger?
- 16) Do you have a collection of anything?
- 17) Are you happy with the person you've become?
- 18) What's a sound you hate; sound you love?
- 19) What's your biggest "what if"?
- 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?
- 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.
- 22) Smell the air. What do you smell?
- 23) What's the worst place you have ever been to?
- 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?
- 25) To you, what is the meaning of life?
- 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?
- 27) What was the last movie you saw?
- 28) What's the worst injury you've ever had?
- 29) Do you have any obsessions right now?
- 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?
- 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?
- 32) What is your astrological sign?
- 33) What's the last thing you purchased?
- 34) Love or lust?
- 35) In a relationship?
- 36) How many relationships have you had?
- 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?
- 38) Where is your best friend?
- 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?
- 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?
- 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?
- 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?
- 43) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?
- 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?
- 45) How can I win your heart?
- 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?
- 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?
- 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?
- 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word "heart."
- 50) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors?
- 51) What is your current desktop picture?
- 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?
- 53) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on?
- 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?
- 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?
- 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?
- 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?
- 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?
- 59) Ever been on a plane?
- 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.
- Please do it!
THERE’S TIMES WHEN I WANT A RUSTIC CABIN IN THE WOODS AWAY FROM ALL SOCIETY
THEN THERE’S TIMES WHEN I WANT A MODERN ASS HOUSE
THEN I’M LIKE I’LL ACCEPT NOTHING MORE THAN A VICTORIAN MANOR
THEN I WANT A PENTHOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF NEW YORK
THEN I WANT…
I want all of it.
…except the cabin in the woods. That shit was specially made for horror movies.
black girls with eating disorders are so important & need to be protected
because it’s believed that we don’t think about things like that, we all apparently love our “inherently” thick bodies and thickness is something we all glorify and strive to achieve
we’re too “strong” to have any kind of illness, especially not an ED
EDs among black girls are so common and are easily dismissed as “white girl stuff” and thats so destructive and harmful